Rob's Blog Page
Psychotherapy is a process of engagement between two persons.
At its best, this is a collaborative process that involves both the therapist and the client in co-constructing solutions to concerns.
Therapists are not in business to change clients, to give them quick advice, or to solve their problems for them. Instead, therapist's facilitate healing through a process of genuine dialogue with their clients.
If, a therapist possesses wide knowledge, both theoretical and practical, yet lack human qualities of compassion, caring, good faith, honesty, presence, realness, and sensitivity, they are more like technicians.
Therapist’s who function exclusively as technicians do not make a significant difference in the lives of their clients.
It is essential that counsellors explore their own values, attitudes, and beliefs in depth and work to increase their own awareness.
The most powerful way for a therapist to teach clients is by the behaviour they model and by the ways they connect with them.
These are the words of Gerald Corey from his amazing book "Theory & Practice of Psychotherapy & Counselling-Eighth Edition".
There was a nurse who worked in a hospital,
caring for dying people who were living their last days on earth.
She wrote down what they had to say - what they regretted the most.
Top five regrets of the dying
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live my life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
Sometimes the door closes on a part of our lives, not because we failed but because something tells us that this no longer fits our life and it is time to move on. So lock the door, shed your tears and when you’re ready, turn around and look for a new door that’s opened. It’s a sign you’re no longer the person you once were, it’s time to change into who you truly are.
It’s going to be Okay.🙂
"What do you bring to the table Rob?" - I remember this question thrown at me when I was a young (35y'old) company director at my very first shareholders meeting. -- I had nothing, I just was not prepared for this - I froze momentarily, then looking to my left I saw the MD give me a wink and a tiny nod - without further hesitation I replied; "I see my job as being the one to revise this company's mindset for the way forward - and I need the support of everyone in this room to help me do that". Without realising it at the time my thoughts were about 'the mind' and how to revise thinking patterns.
'The mind' -- What is it? What is a 'mindset'? -- Can we revise our 'thinking patterns'?
Is the mind located in the brain or is it another name for the brain? It was Freud who was first to use the expression the 'unconscious mind' when he claimed that it (the unconscious) influences all behaviour and decisions, even though we are unaware of it.
The average Male's brain weighs 1360 grams (3 pounds) and the average Female's brain weighs 1250 grams (2.8 pounds) and all that we see, hear, say, feel, sense and remember is processed through this amazing human organ that is so complex - we are still learning more and more fascinating facts about it everyday - and so important to understand the connections (neural pathways) we can make (or change) to result in behavioural modification.
My preference is to discuss the Brain & the Mind as the same thing - however controversial that this may be - I love Dan Siegals quote; "The brain acts as an anticipation machine that continuously prepares itself for the future, based on what has happened in the past".
I call this our 'default' response and a lot of the time our behaviour arises from these settings. So, back to the question, can one revise their mindset? - Of course we can - that is what 'brain plasticity' is all about. However, it requires some work and usually some lifestyle changes - and this is where people find it hard.
There is a lot more information and new tools being developed to assist the psychotherapist who is working with a client - who just wants to know how to modify his inappropriate behaviour - and it is changing the landscape and dynamics of what therapy looks like.
That's enough for now - let's finish with a joke; 'A teddy-bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea-break and when he returns notices his pick is missing. The bear is angry and reports this to the foreman who says, 'Oh I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy-bear's have their picks nicked'