Alone - Lonely - Emptiness
Baltasar Gracian - said that "To seek advice (knowledge) does not lessen greatness or argue incapacity. On the contrary, to ask advice proves you well advised."
I am struck with how many people who have chosen to live on their own - are experiencing feelings of 'emptiness' BG also said, "Take counsel with reason if you do not wish to court defeat." Lisa's article is worth a read:
By Lisa Franchi on September 23, 2014
Happiness – it’s not every day that we experience it. Sometimes, what we feel is sadness. Other times, it’s anger, hatred, annoyance, loneliness, and hurt. But there are also times that we feel nothing but emptiness.
Of all the difficult emotions one can experience, feeling empty is one of the most uncomfortable. Emptiness is feeling you’re incomplete or something that’s very important is missing but you can’t figure it out. It’s the lack of meaning or purpose, characterised by emotional numbness or despair. Most people experience emptiness at one point in their life. But chronic feelings of emptiness can greatly affect a person’s quality of life, and predispose him/her to mental illnesses, such as depression.
What Causes Emptiness?
People have different reasons for feeling empty. Some blame it for not having a partner in life, or not being loved enough by their partner. Other people feel empty because they think they are not successful enough, their work is unsatisfying, they don’t have enough money, or they don’t get enough love and attention from their family and friends. Whatever the reasons are, they can all be summed up into one: lack of emotional validation.
People experiencing chronic emptiness are often those who have experienced emotional neglect when they were just a child. Each of them grew up in a home in which their emotions were not accepted, responded to or validated enough. It’s not that they lack emotion. Emotions are hard-wired to all human beings, even animals. They are deeply personal and biological part of each one of us. However, for those suffering from chronic emptiness, there is a problem validating or responding to their emotions. They fail to acknowledge what they feel, resulting to emotional numbness. While they may be able to recognise and respond to their emotions sometimes, most of the time, there seems to be a wall that separates them from their true feelings.
Another thing that seems to be causing emptiness is this – lack of self-love or self-abandonment. Emptiness can be caused by lacking connection with your spiritual source of love. This is related to emotional invalidation because when you don’t love yourself, you ignore your emotions.
Emptiness is really hard to bear. It makes you feel like life has no meaning. And that whatever you do, no matter how successful you become, and wherever you go – nothing makes sense. It makes you stop chasing your purpose in life, which is a big barrier to happiness. It makes you feel mystifyingly different from other people.
Emotional numbness also makes people resort to unhealthy lifestyle. Those who experience it try to cope by self-medicating in the form of alcohol or drug abuse. And it becomes a vicious cycle that wrecks their health and well-being, as well as their relationship with other people.
Overcoming Emptiness – a Journey to Self-Love
Do you wake up in the morning feeling that there’s no good reason to live anymore? When you were just a child, you need emotional acceptance from your parents. But now, as an adult, you need it from yourself. As an adult who is fully capable of managing your emotions, you have the power to create a life for yourself that’s full of meaning, purpose and love. By rejecting the patterns that make you feel emptier, and allowing positive changes to happen in your life, giving yourself more love, care and attention, and finding your passion, you can banish that empty feeling. Here are some self-help tips that can help you overcome this unwanted feeling.
Be in charge of your own life. Sounds easy, but it’s really hard to do. Still, you can make a promise to yourself that starting today; you are going to be more in control of your life. You are going to make choices that adhere to your true passion.
Avoid filling the emptiness with harmful habits. It’s very tempting to feel the hole with alcohol, drugs, gambling, overspending, binge-eating, and other unhealthy habits. But the thing is that they really don’t fill it. They may give you temporary joy, but after a few hours, you go back to feeling empty.
Fill your life with love. When your life is filled with love, you will never feel empty. Find love in everything you do, in your friends, family, and work. Focus on building and strengthening your relationships with these people. Avoid negative people, and spend more time with those who really know you and love you for who you are.
Pursue meaningful goals. Get to know yourself better. Think about what matters to you, then take steps toward making it a bigger part of your life. Identify your strengths, and focus on incorporating them more in your everyday life. Meanwhile, work on your areas of improvement.
Get therapy. If you constantly feel empty, it’s possible that you are also dealing with a mental health issue. Asking for help from a therapist doesn’t mean you’re crazy. Everyone goes through ups and downs. The sooner you get help, the sooner you can rise above it and become a better person. Therapies, such as counselling and psychotherapy, can help you in many areas of mental health, particularly in emotional validation.
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